So, all things considered, 2009 has gotten off to a complicated, sad and yet lovely start.

The year began with the passing of my Grandma, sometime in the night between January 1 and January 2. I was sleeping in the same room with her when she died, just a few feet away - she in the hospital bed that had arrived that morning; I on the couch she had slept on for 10 years or so.  The first night Grammy spent on a bed other than that couch was the night she died.  I have no idea why she slept on the couch for years.  She said it was more comfortable than her bed, she said it helped her heart.  Why argue with your Grammy?

I was very close with her, having grown up spending summers and Christmas holidays at her condo, living less than a mile away for many years, and then actually living with her during my 4 years of college.  While at times we both got on each other's nerves, while she did not understand some of my life choices, and while I did not understand some of hers - we loved each other very much.

She died a very peaceful death, without pain, in her own home - the way she wanted.  That is all anyone can ever ask for, since we all must die one way or another. God was very gracious to her, and to all of us that she left behind.

So, that sort of dominated the first few days of this year.  But the sad, strange and hopeful thing about death is that life goes on.  Sometimes I miss Grammy very much...I am sure that this will grow as time goes on. But other times I forget that she just died, I get caught up in the other things going on.  At first I feel guilty about this - but I shouldn't.  Because she had her long life, and there is nothing more I can do for her, nothing I need to do for her.  She has moved on.  I am still here, I am still alive.  And I know I will never forget her.

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