The Twilight of My Discontent
posted by Amy on June 11, 2009 at 12:33 PM in Film, Reviews, Pop Culture

So, Twilight.
Until last week, I had managed to go without reading or watching anything Twilight-related, apart from facebook statuses and tweets exclaiming how EDWARD IS SO DREAMY! MOAR EDWARD PLEEZ!1!!
Not that I consider my Twilight avoidance to be a point of pride - I am not one of those reverse snobs
who rejects anything simply because it is popular. I just really
haven't been interested yet. I am often late to the game (I didn't
jump on the Harry Potter bandwagon until book 4 was out, but jump on it
I most certainly did) and that is fine with me because life is not a
coolness competition, as much as we all act like it is. I like what I
like whenever I get around to liking it, whether it makes me behind the
times, cutting edge hip, or a totally clueless nerd-berger.
Well, last week I had an evening at home without my husband, and I
felt like watching a mindless, chick-flick type movie - nothing witty,
cerebral, depressing or blow-upy. Twilight seemed to fit the bill, so off
to the nearest Redbox I went.
Oh hey, at this point I should probably say there might be SPOILERS and stuff, so only read on if you have already read or seen Twilight, or if you don't care. Though if you don't care, I would be surprised if you have read this far.
Anyway, one thing I can say about the movie is that Edward is indeed dreamy.
Other than that, I didn't really get the appeal. The film was actually worse than I expected, and I had pretty low expectations. Not having read the book, I cannot say if the fault lies with the film-makers, or with the original story. A friend whose judgment I trust read the book and saw the film, and she said the movie pretty much reflects the book very well. Feel free to dispute that if you think differently.
The main thing that made the story fall flat for me was the character of Bella. I can't imagine a more UNINTERESTING character. She was bland, without any discernible qualities to make her unique or compelling. Edward's fascination with her was utterly inexplicible to me, apart from the not being able to read her mind thing - which was neither explained nor made plausible by other fascinating aspects of her personality. Basically, she was a blank that only served the purpose of being the object of Edward's obsessive love.
Which, by the way, was CREEPY. Watching her while she sleeps? Oh yeah, that is super romantic, in a frightening, stalkerish way. And at what point did the two of them actually fall in love? When they were busy glaring at each other accross the high school cafeteria? Or when Bella was being snotty about cell division in Biology class? Nothing about their relationship bore any resemblance to true love - obsession and possessiveness more like
Anyway, Edward and the other vampires had the potential to be interesting (along with Jacob), so I was also disappointed at how little exposition there was about them. Where did they come from, why did they become vampires, etc. Maybe you get more of this in the books, or perhaps more will be revealed in later stories. I hope so, because if not then that proves that this is a rather surface-level story, not deserving of the pretentious "Saga" designation. There was way more depth to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and that was a TV show. And I am not being ironic, I LURVED Buffy.
One other minor quibble, the dialogue was often hard to hear and usually lame. Bella should have been named Miss Mumbly M. Mumbleson. The middle initial M. stands for Melodramatic.
In summary:
1. Edward is dreamy.
2. Bella is boring.
3. MOAR EDWARD.
4. Mumble mumble.
5. Buffy was way cooler.
So, did I like Twilight? Not really. Will I see New Moon when it comes out? Absolutely.
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