One thing that has been repeated over and over in the past couple of weeks, by me and those around me, is that everyone grieves differently, in their own way and in their own time. And so we have to be patient with ourselves and with each other.  True story.

One funny aspect of grief (funny weird, not funny ha-ha) is that it is both easy and hard to get back to the "normal" things in life.  Even in the immediate days after a tragedy, you find yourself in the middle of doing something completely inconsequential - like laughing with someone about an episode of Arrested Development - when suddenly you feel sick, like you are commiting some kind of obscene betrayal. How can I give mental and emotional space to something so trivial? Doesn't that make me callous, heartless and selfish???

Can any of you who have experienced real grief relate to this?  Of course laughter and the commonplace details of daily life quickly return to our minds, even in the midst of pain. And that is a blessing, because to remain in continued, unmitigated sorrow would drive you out of your mind.  But how long does it take before you can do regular things, like go clothes shopping, post silly Facebook statuses, or frivilously debate politics, without feeling guilty or inappropriate?

Permalink | 7 Commented |

____________________________________________________

 "This constant foretaste of the future, this hunger for the next electronic blip, feels to me like a full-blown addiction."

The above quote comes from a recent New York Times article by Verlyn Klinkenborg (apparently his real name!) about his apparent addiction to electronic information of all sorts.

I know exactly what he means about the addicton to the "next electronic blip" - I check my email hundreds of times a day probably (easy to do because I always have it open on my computer at work), just waiting for a (1) to appear in my inbox!  But I do the same with Facebook, Twitter, Google Reader, Etsy, and so on.  Checking them over and over, looking for new information to consume, new points of contact.  I am not quite as obsessed with my cell phone, although I admit to a bit of excitement when I get a call or text. I don't even know about the whole realm of online gaming and second life and stuff like that.

So is this really an addition?  It seems like it, because as long as I have direct access to a computer, I am all but helpless to resist.  I have tried self-discipline in this realm, and it's no good.  The distraction, the lure is too great.

And yet...

For me the addiction is very much like sight out of mind.  There are many evenings when I go home from work and I don't even look at the computer for the rest of the day.  And when I find my usual schedule thrown off by something like a vacation or family crisis, I can go days without the computer and not even miss it one bit.  Which comforts me to know that my addiction is apparently not that systemic, but rather situational.  Kind of like a social alcoholic perhaps - its all or nothing for me?

I really wonder what all this immediate access to a constant flood of electronic information and communication is doing to our society and to our brains.

What about you?  Do you find yourself addicted to any forms of electronic information or social media?  Which ones?  Have you done anything to resist becoming addicted?  Do you believe that guy is really named Verlyn Klinkenborg?

Permalink | 1 Commented |

____________________________________________________

I have never cared much for Christian popular music, apart from a few exceptions (Caedmon's Call, Derek Webb, Rich Mullins, and for a while Jars of Clay) (and Sara Groves, but she is a recent discovery).

Once a year, the adult women in my husband's family take a weekend retreat together, lead by my dear sister (in-law, although I think of them all as just my sisters) Jenni, who is a gifted Bible teacher.  In light of the recent loss of one of our sisters, this year's retreat planned for November will most certainly be intense.

To prepare for the retreat, Jenni made us a couple of CD mixes. (I know, CDs, right?! They still make those apparently! :P) So, I haven't even gotten to the second CD because I just keep listening to the first few songs on the first CD again and again.  

As I said, this is not the kind of music I usually listen to...but I think, at least for me, and I would guess for the other sisters as well, that the Holy Spirit definitely guided Jenni to pick what I needed to hear. This is one song that is speaking powerfully to my heart, making me feel strong despite my profound weakness.

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Permalink | 4 Commented |

____________________________________________________