posted by Amy on September 29, 2009 at 06:14 PM in Personal, Complaining
The weather outside is absolutely perfect. Clear blue sky. Chilly. The leaves haven't quite begun changing yet, but I can tell they are on the brink. One morning I will wake up to an eruption of red and yellow and orange!
But I am in here, not out there. I'm here in this office. I'm Stuck. I'm doing what I have to do.
But I can't really talk about that here. The stuckness, that is. Not right now. And that frustrates me, more than I can say. Mostly because I HATE vague blog posts! I mean, why write anything at all if you can't explain what you are talking about? (Because I just needed to, that's why.)
But that's not the only reason I'm frustrated. I am longing, ACHING for the day when I can feel free again. Free to be totally honest. Free to be using the gifts that God gave me. Free to feel like I am really living instead of just getting by.
I try to keep it all in perspective, to count my blessings, to realize that I can be (should be) using my gifts where I am right now. "Bloom where you're planted." That sort of thing.
But I can't explain why that isn't working. Why that isn't enough.
My life is fuller now than it has been in a long time, and I am happy and grateful for that, I really am! And I am going to write more about all that soon. But there is just one huge piece that isn't fitting, and it's hard not to let that blot out the sun.
Jen (guest)
I get it! I do! Fewer things frustrate me more than that stage of life that is, in reality, preparation, but feels more like stagnation. I have been challenged this week to be more teachable in my miry season of life, and ask questions like, "what can this person teach me?" "What can I be learning right now?"
You're doing that with your class(es) and in navigating the first years of marriage. I know what it is to feel the engines revving with no place to go, though. And I know it's hard. Your blog post isn't nearly as vague as you feared it would be, sister.