The weather outside is absolutely perfect.  Clear blue sky. Chilly. The leaves haven't quite begun changing yet, but I can tell they are on the brink. One morning I will wake up to an eruption of red and yellow and orange!

But I am in here, not out there. I'm here in this office. I'm Stuck. I'm doing what I have to do.

But I can't really talk about that here. The stuckness, that is. Not right now. And that frustrates me, more than I can say. Mostly because I HATE vague blog posts! I mean, why write anything at all if you can't explain what you are talking about? (Because I just needed to, that's why.)

But that's not the only reason I'm frustrated.  I am longing, ACHING for the day when I can feel free again. Free to be totally honest. Free to be using the gifts that God gave me. Free to feel like I am really living instead of just getting by.

I try to keep it all in perspective, to count my blessings, to realize that I can be (should be) using my gifts where I am right now. "Bloom where you're planted." That sort of thing.

But I can't explain why that isn't working. Why that isn't enough.

My life is fuller now than it has been in a long time, and I am happy and grateful for that, I really am! And I am going to write more about all that soon. But there is just one huge piece that isn't fitting, and it's hard not to let that blot out the sun.

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Oak Leaf and Acorn Necklace - Little Green Room

Pumpkin Pi Handmade Soap - Epically Epic Soap

The Woodgrain Clutch - Sew Lola

Pumpkin Hat - Karlen Knits

Flora Flat - Hydra Heart

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"We [Christians] make the mistake, and our culture makes the mistake, of thinking that if I see clearly the folly of something or the sin of something or the problems of something, that then cynicism is the right response.  

God sees our follies and weaknesses and sins with absolute clarity and he never becomes cynical about us."

- Jerram Barrs, from a lecture on Postmodernism

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For a doosey of a discussion about Predestination and Free Will, head on over to Rachel Held Evan's blog (one of my favorites).  Be sure to check the comments, yo.

For those who would rather get a root canal, I offer this:

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This weekend my mother gave me one of the several cross-stitched Wysocki pictures that she handmade while I was growing up. In honor of that very sweet and precious gift.

Leaf Wall Wear - nea

Green Folk Earrings - Pin Pal

Owl Love You Always - Chez Sucre Chez

Pumpkin Flower Sampler - TC Witchcraft Factory

Orla Modern Cross Stitch - Wall Work

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I just heard a guy on NPR say that insurance companies should be tightly regulated so that they would not be allowed to make the kinds of profits that they are making.

Hmm.

Now just the other night, my father, who is an extremely smart man and is also Republican to the core who gets most of his news from Faux Fox, was explaining to me that insurance companies are required by the goverment to make a consideral profit based on actuarial mathmatics.  In other words, they HAVE to have a certain amount of cash reserves that come from profits to be able to pay out, even if their business is shrinking.

If insurance companies are going to pay for when we get sick, don't they need to have lots of money?

(I know that this is very closely tied to issues like denying coverage to those who get sick - of course that should be made illegal - and whether or not healthcare should depend on for-profit companies. I know. That is not what I am asking about.)

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So, this morning they were talking on The Diane Rehm Show about the recent data on household income and poverty released by the Census Bureau. Part of the discussion addressed those at the highest end of the income spectrum. It got the rusty wheels of my brain turning.

When I think about what I would do if I were suddenly outrageously wealthy (which I don't do all that often - only, like, a few times a day), I usually assure myself that I would never be so spoiled and precious as to have a weekly maid or personal cook or private pilates instructor, etc. No, I would live below my means, in such a way that no one would even know just how rich I was. I'm so theoretically down to earth, aren't I?!

Instead, if I were suddenly weathy, I would make giving my money away a full-time job. Honestly, nothing would make me happier! And nothing would be more virtuous or good for society, right?

But then, the many years of being raised in a Republican household kicked in, and I started to wonder.

I have problems with huge disparities of wealth within a society, and I gravely wonder about the validity of living an extravegant lifestyle, particularly for a Christian. And yet, is there not something to be said for the ability to give someone a job? If I were able to hire a maid or a cook or whatever, and if I paid them very well and treated them very well, would that not be a good gift to those individuals that I would be employing?  I hope that doesn't sound condescending, as though it would make me some kind of generous fairy godmother simply for deigning to allow someone to vacuum my rug. But do you get my point? If I can give someone a legitimate and respectful job, isn't that a good thing? I don't mean that I would do that instead of giving to charitable causes. But wouldn't creating jobs also be a blessing both to the economy in general as well as to the individuals? It made me think that part of my "charitable" activities ought to foster job creation.

Not that any of this is ever going to happen for me personally. In fact, this is probably a really dumb and boring post - but hey, these are the things I think about when I drive to work in the morning.  Iam probably not taking all important points into consideration. It's Monday morning. Give me a break, it is amazing I am writing complete sentences at all.

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